A transcript of the (inevitable) Pennsylvania debate

WOLF BLITZER: Good evening, and welcome to the 43rd debate of the Democratic primary, taking place here in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. I’d like to start by having the candidates awkwardly wave at the crowd on live television.

(The candidates stand and wave. The audience cheers.)

BLITZER: Wonderful. And now let’s get started. The first question is for you, Sen. Clinton. You’ve both explained the difference between your health care plans to the American people in every single debate so far. Would you please rehash the same points one more time for the American people?

HILLARY CLINTON: Yes I will, Wolf. But first I’d like to say thank you to the people of Pennsylvania for hosting us tonight. It’s really nice to be here in a state that actually matters, unlike states with educated people, black people, caucuses, or Republicans.

And I just wanted to point out that it’s funny how, in every debate, when we’re waving to the crowd, Barack always gets to be taller than me. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying. And I’d also like to point out that comedians have occasionally made fun of my opponent, which I think should count for something.

To answer your question, Wolf, there are millions of people who go to bed every night with no health insurance. Well, Wolf, I’ve been there and done that. I haven’t just talked the talk, I’ve walked the walk. I know a little something about passing universal health care. But succeeding during our first administration wasn’t enough, because there are still millions of people without health insurance in America today. And that’s why I’m deeply concerned about Sen. Obama’s plan, because he would actually take health insurance away from millions of crying orphan children across the country. That’s not universal health care, Wolf.

BLITZER: Sen. Obama?

BARACK OBAMA: You know, Wolf, um, I’ve met a lot of struggling people all across this country. Like a young man named Mitch in South Dakota, who was injured by a stampede of young people rushing to volunteer for my campaign. Or like a man I met in rural Montana, whose entire family was eaten by wolves. And you know, Wolf, uh, it feels to them like every year, they’re falling farther and farther behind.

That’s why I’ve proposed a new plan to end all political speeches that could conceivably make anyone feel bad. Because, honestly, the American people don’t need our help in making them feel like crap.

BLITZER: The next question goes to Sen. Obama. Will you solemnly swear here tonight that, within your first year in office, you will invite every hostile world leader to the White House for a slumber party?

OBAMA: I would, Wolf. As John F. Kennedy said, we should never negotiate out of fear, but we should also never fear to negotiate.

That’s why I wouldn’t stop at inviting the leaders of every hostile nation in the world over for a slumber party. In fact, I’d hold a séance at that slumber party to communicate with the ghosts of Stalin, Hitler, and Chairman Mao. Because I think it’s important to talk with everyone who’s ever disliked you to find out why, and to find out what you can do in the future to make everyone like you. And, Wolf, I’d also have that slumber party televised on C-SPAN, because I think the American people deserve to find out which State Department officials really represent them, and which ones are too chicken to play truth-or-dare.

CLINTON: Wolf, I just have to jump in here, because I think it’s time for a little reality check. You know, I have over 52 years of experience, starting with that time in third grade when I successfully won extra recess for the whole class. And I already know all the current world leaders, like Boris Yeltsin, Yitzhak Rabin, and Jiang Zemin. During my husband’s administration, I did the dirty work of flying on a dangerous and important one-day diplomatic mission to Bosnia, accompanied only by Sinbad, Sheryl Crow, and scads of American troops. And more recently, shortly after various other Senators began to refer to what’s happening in Darfur as genocide, I became the very first Senator to refer to what’s happening in Darfur as genocide.

But what this really comes down to is whether or not we’re going to roll the dice by voting for someone with a last name that no previous president has had. I think the only reliable way to make sure our next president is competent is to make sure it’s someone with the same last name as a recent president.

BLITZER: A response, Sen. Obama?

OBAMA: You know, Wolf, uh, I’m not sure that what the American people are looking for right now is experience. What they’re looking for is a candidate that they can project their own beliefs onto. I’m talking about someone who nobody dislikes already because we’d never heard of them before a couple of years ago.

But, Wolf, um, getting back to foreign policy, I wanted to touch on Hillary’s point about Darfur. Because I think what the people of Darfur are really looking for is a new kind of politics. They’re hungry for change. There are those who say that simply hoping isn’t enough to make the genocide go away -- the cynics, the pundits, and the Red Cross. But I say to you tonight that we can heal the nation of Sudan through vacuous slogans and will.i.am videos. We are the ones they’ve been waiting for. Yes, we can.

BLITZER: Well, that almost wraps up our debate. I’d like to conclude by asking each candidate to say something nice about their opponent.

CLINTON: Barack, I appreciate the cultural diversity that you bring to our country not only as a scary black man, but also as someone with a foreign-sounding name who is not a Muslim terrorist as far as I know.

OBAMA: Hillary, I look forward to you liking me again after this election.

BLITZER: Thank you for watching, and good night.